I went away for a loooooong while. After a certain tragedy last year, I have moved, I dropped out of nursing school, my son’s father and I separated, I met a new man and am now in the process of piecing my life back together.
Though the past year has presented the darkest thoughts in my head that I have almost ever known, I haven’t stopped loving birth. It really is the field I am meant to be in. Because of this, I haven’t given up on my dream to become a certified nurse midwife. I ran out of school money (I had no idea that pell grants ran out!), so I have been talking with a National Guard recruiter about joining! I’ll join as an officer and be able to advance my career from there. For now, I’ll just get tickled about the people in my life that I love that are growing babies.
It’s strange what a major life change can do in every aspect of life. Nothing worries me as much anymore because I know that it could all certainly be worse. I don’t leave the house much- I do a lot of cooking and cleaning. I don’t see my son as much as I used to, so that eats away at me every moment of every day he’s away. He’s away now and I don’t want to go anywhere. Gabriel went to a bonfire party- in October… My favorite kind! And I just didn’t want to go. I left the house once this week to take my son to his dad, and that’s it. I work out a lot, I drink a lot of coffee, I clean and cook and yada yada, but I moved to a rural place and I think the art of conversation is lost on me now. It’s a perishable skill, I guess.
I am trying more and more every day to come to terms with the idea that I have to leave my son. For five months. That’s for basic training and AIT. OCS will be every weekend for 18 months. I grieve not having him for 3.5 days a week- I can’t imagine being without him for so long.